And I tried to show her over and over again

how beautiful her curves were

how her body was made to be appreciated

but it wouldn’t make a difference what I saw

because society had already put a bad filter on her mirror

critical of every crevice 

while I saw the brightest lights

in her.

I’ll think of you
Every time I smoke a cigarette down to it’s filter
Every time I
Use my phone till it dies
And wake up whenever I wake up
And check the time
I have a cloud over my head
And I just want you to squeeze me tight
And drink the night
Like we do.

God put me in your plans for a reason
And one day we will meet
When time has seasoned
In memory you will remain
Till our stars align us
To let me spend forever
Making you smile cause
I’ll never give myself to anyone else
The way I’ve fallen into your arms
And I’ll wake up each morning
Only thinking
The same sun fell on to your eyelids
You must not be too far from my lids
Invested in my veins
I can always reach you
Deeper than my dermis
I can’t escape you
Destiny’s been written
God is witness
You are in it
—My soul blindly believes it.

Jisne aashiqi nahi ki
Usne kahan zindagi dekhi?
Kisi ke paaron se
Jannat nahi dikhi
Toh batao,
Tumne kahan zindagi dekhi…

~Sazaa // Punishment

Maine toh sirf mohabbat ki
Yeh meri sabse bari gunnah thi.
Ki teri azaadi mein hi,
Kehd ho gayi.

I only did love
But this was my biggest sin.
That within your freedom,
I became imprisoned.

Maine toh sirf mohabbat ki
Yeh meri sabse bari gunnah thi.
Ki ek jeene ki wajah doondtehi,
Maine apne aag ko kho di.

I only did love
But this was my biggest sin.
That in my search for a reason to live,
I have lost my own fire.

Maine toh sirf mohabbat ki
Yeh meri sabse bari gunnah thi.
Ki ek sipahi se,
Main kaidi ban gayi.

I only did love
But this was my biggest sin.
That from a soldier,
A prisoner I became.

I came with love disguised as friendship

I came with love disguised as friendship.
I walk into a storm
And hold my umbrella
Up to the sky
Asking for forgiveness
For peace
—Calm me
Please.

I’m so sorry
I came with love
Disguised as friendship
And got stuck in a storm
Always in between
I’m tired of being between
And everything always being
Up to you.

I never thought I would be so sorry
For loving.
But I always knew I would fall
For you.

She was the strongest storm I ever came across

I was born at sea but she—

She was the strongest storm I ever came across

I write this as I sense I have entered the eye

A brief moment of calm

But I feel her stirring even within this peace

The sounds of waves crashing

Crashing 

Crashing

Lower now, but they will rise again

—the moon sides with her

As the tide pushes and pulls me at will

The sun barely peaks from in between the cloudy sky

And as I steer my ship

I feel fresh droplets on my copper skin

cold and numbing

Yet still in love with the powers

Surrounding me. 

Respectfully, I bow my hat to her 

Airing out the cold sweat 

Hanging on to my blanket of hair. 

The eerie calmness 

Pushes me to sing to her

Deep and honestly 

I challenge her 

To let out her rage,

Her worst 

Onto me

And that I, 

I will sail on

And into her. 

My Break-Up Poem on Vday

There’s only so much of that black mamba that a woman can take 

There’s only so many times a woman can watch her love be given away 

to men like Shipe and Josh

While she stands feeling bashful and alone. 

You will never understand

The betrayal 

I feel with every moist kiss y’all share

—Oh! Your sweet slurp and your innocent moan,

Even your little mischievous giggle haunts me in my dreams…

I repeat all of our 2 dates in my head 

Over and over again

Wondering, was it that popcorn fight we had during Kick-ass 2 because your ass fell asleep? 

Is that where it all went wrong? 

Or was it my whiskey pussy at Zach’s bonfire that tore us apart? 

I keep finding ways to blame myself

And maybe you will find a way too,

Always so insecure about the love I once shared for Jasmine Michelle Luckey

While in reality you had your own infidelity!

And I refuse to settle for this kind of 

Miscommunication, 

A relationship built on feeling bashful in the kitchen,

But no, there is no going back to the Petersburg days anymore…

The cat is out of the hat,

The bashfuls are on the prowl,

And so with that, Billy Beasley, I’m leavin’ you for the groove, baby! 

My Discreet Letter to Unrequited Love

If Love Love Love = Happiness

Then why is it that I have so much love and yet I am still suffocating?

Choking, coughing up emotions that I cannot express to you.

Unrequited love

Unrequited, I – was never too into it.

Who is interested in a relationship of

1 + “I’m not in love with you and nor do I want to be” = ?

Maybe it’s all that love that was left over from my past,

Just overflowing my body because I could not truly give it,

My inability to release

Causing my heart trouble with its beating,

It’s overheating

Because it just wanted to love.

There is no larger injustice to my being

Than lacking me of love

—both giving and receiving as well as keeping a hold of it in my heart.

So Unrequited Love is totally my thing.

There’s nothing quite like hopelessly (and too hopefully)

Loving someone who will never truly accept it or love you back,

To tear you apart.

Sitting on the sea-saw

Of wanting to love them immensely anyway

Or hating every ounce of love so obviously slipping from your sad dog eyes,

Only working towards a compromise,

Convincing yourself to accept defeat each time you lie next to another body.

You want to move on and maybe you try

But at the end of it you know your true desire lies with them.

It only reinforces your forbidden feelings,

When you wake up remembering the love you’ve been fighting to forget.

And the days when you may feel a spark with someone else,

You question if you are even ready,

If you have healed or if you’ve even begun the damn process

And you may feel guilt, feel wrong

For even pursuing the thought of another while you are knowingly

Stuck crawling on your knees, deep and dark

In the mud of their love.

The soft, wet dirt

And steaming rain which they have left you in

—crawling, choking, suffocating on LOVE.

Oh, Unrequited Love, (I have always been a fan…)

Dear white boy,
You don’t get to text me on the second day of a new year
And ask me where I am.
You don’t get to know my whereabouts.
You don’t have the right to wave at me in public
Because no one but me
And every other one night stand
Knows what happens when intoxication mixes with I don’t want you
But I wanted to forget /you/
And the way advantage can be taken
So easily like it was dripping onto
Your fingertips and you didn’t want it
To spill all over the floor,
Picking me up was your only consolation to still being a man.
A man
Who holds no genuine respect for
Me.
So yes, your text on January the 2nd disgusted me.
You must not understand what you did
Because if you ever felt the same shame and emptiness in your heart and body,
You would take the letters N O so
Seriously that if you ever loved a girl,
Your mother, a sister,
You would fall to your knees whimpering at the thought that your senseless, your manhood, your privilege would be so blind
And overpowering
So much to hurt another individual
And only to ask months later,
“Where are you”
I am away
And I will stay away.
I am not afraid, I am only understanding
Of my position due to my genitalia
And the ways in which I must take caution because of who I am
In order to avoid the shame and emptiness which comes with
Being a woman.
Because you don’t get to text me on the second day of a new year
You won’t get to make me feel
Worthless because I’ve had a few shots and a few beers.
But maybe one day, you can take your head out of your privileged white boy ass
Open your fucking eyes
Close your hands
Shut your mouth
And listen to a Goddamn woman
When she says NO.
Sincerely,
A woman who will never desire you; a woman who will always value herself.

I want to fall asleep
Into a deep, old slumber
And wake up in your arms again
Wake up to the day I began
Falling in love with you.
Back to a time where
I was confused but desired you
And smiled into you
Every morning.
It’s funny how I’m finally out
And when I am finally out
I want in.
I wanted to forget you
I fought to get you out of my head
But now that you’re gone
I find myself alone
And wanting to desire you again
To have you again
Even if I solely desire you,
I want that raging fire
To rip me apart
Over and over again
Because the pain of your love
Fills me up so much more
Than the gaping hopelessness
And emptiness of lying in my bed
Sleeping and never wanting to wake up
Struggling to make that simple
Step to come up from under my sheets.
Because when I loved you
I wanted to live for you
And waking up
Meant waking up to you.
I want to wake up
Again.

Don’t kiss me

because it means nothing to you

but it means too much to me.

Stop kissing me

because I don’t want your furious 

biting and pulling me in

to really, pull 

me in.

Don’t look at me with those

arrow-like eyes

because they kill me every time we say good bye.

Don’t let your body

flirt with mine,

the way it invites my fingers

to curve around your waist

and stroke your hair

to comfort both me and you.

Don’t desire me at all with your fleeting lust

while instead I desire you

—in the worst ways possible.

I feel crippled when I’m with you

Crippled with all of my emotions

And my lack of clarity

And closure.

I don’t know if my ears

Can take another word from your

Voice.

If my touch receptors can take

Another mad signal.

If I can feel

Any more

Of you.

If I take any more

Of your lips

Smiling

In front of my stupid, hopeful eyes.

I can’t take lies

I only want honest

Emotion

The truth

Is apparent to me

But where is it when it comes to you?

Nothing lasts forever

Except for God

You will always be lost and existential

If you don’t find meaning within

Your own existence.

It is so frightening to constantly seek and want so much 

of what has been so horrible to you.

.

I left my first love because he could never love me.

My second love left me because she could never love me. 

It’s more complicated than that, of course it is,

and maybe I have been loved

but I never felt it,

only gave it,

lost it more than gave, I guess,

somewhere through the internet and world of satellites 

it got lost

somewhere through my words

both written and spoken

it got lost

somewhere in the not-even-an-inch apart cracks between us

and our fingertips which let go more often than were held together.

.

I like to think that the reason

I don’t have much of an appetite

for food

Is because I have a huge appetite

for love.

.

And I will never understand this foolish craving,

my childish but unapologetically human, desire.

I’m not Indian

Because I don’t want to be

I’m not Indian

Because India never accepted me.

My young motherland’s hands

Are stained with years old blood

The struggle and pain of Sikhs

Is not a lone struggle,

As the same land is burdened

With never taking responsibility

For many other atrocities.

1984 is only one large example

Of injustice.

If a government can encourage and then ignore the genocide

They perpetrated

On the same group of people which

Fought for an Indian independence,

Then what hope can we have

That they could behold any other

Sort of humanity

Or compassion to build a better

India

For the Indians in it.

Everyone is money and power hungry

I am irrelevant in the grand political scheme

And furthermore, I am a woman

So now tell me I am accepted by the same streets

On which my own aunt lives but

Was followed home by a truck of teasing men.

—Dare to tell me

I am Indian.