~Things I wish I could tell my mom (#2)

"I’M GAY MOM

I don’t care for someone’s gender or genitalia 

I loved a girl and I loved a boy, I know it’s real,

I have a genderless soul in this temporal body.

Please still love me.

And please let me be me.

Sacha Aashiq // True Lover

Oyee mere Aashiqi
Pyar de pukhe,
Tere Preet di pyaas
Kadon mukhe gi?

Oyee Aashiq
Tussi ki guzariyan
Seemi seemi raatein
Taare de naal gaave
Chann vi soche
Chain kadon aave?

Par sache Aashiq
Raa kadhi ni badal de
Tur de marte dam tak
Sirf Gulaba de utte…

I am my own worst enemy.

Afraid

to

free

myself

—Shackled ankles.

and in one hand

I stand flipping through a ring

of keys…

Dear emotion,

Free me. 

~An Honest Letter

My dear companion,

Forgive me for my immaturities
For my selfishness
My impatience
My greed.

I tend to forget but I am only so young. 19 years young. And fighting for growth in a world full of demons and distractions…

Just Because, I Met You

I never knew what lonely was till I met you.

I enjoyed silence and solitude more than anything else before I met you.

I would tire from talking all night,
From observing all of the time,
Till I met you.

I didn’t know what it meant to yearn for someone so strongly before I got to know
you.

You are so familiar and still within every conversation I feel I am putting together a puzzle piece by piece,
Only there is no larger picture to amount to
Because you are still growing
Just like me…

I never knew how selfless I could be till I wanted to give you the world
And every bit of me.

But I never knew how selfish I could be
For the happiness and wholeness that you give me.

It is true that you have changed me
And I allowed you to,
Teach me about myself
All of which was already there inside
But I never trusted to let myself go
With anyone else before
I met you.

I never truly understood that I loved
Before I met you.
Till I wanted to learn every language you spoke
Wanted to understand every scar you bore
Wanted to burst wide open every time
You broke.

I met you, bit by bit
Everyday
And I learned to love
Each and every bit that I met…

Your words are so sweet

I’ll keep them forever

Your voice so warm

I grew to love the heat

Your anger could be so cold

But I could only grow to love

You more and more

A heart so soft

Why would I ever let go?

The sparkle in your eyes

Grows stronger each time you cry

And when I hold your hand

Can’t you feel love?

Can’t you feel love when I touch you?

Sometimes I miss the New England Winter

Sometimes I miss the New England winter
(Of Great Barrington)
Preciously pure so white
The ground
Preciously pure so dank
The weed 
I lit my classy wooden pipe
Sitting in the gazebo many nights
Surrounded heavily by wood …
Bundled up head to toe
Don’t let the cold catch you! they said
Or worse, security
Liquid Victor* to keep me warm
During campus wide snow ball fights,
Freezing dips in Lake Mansfield,
And fighting white supremacy,
All in a days work…

But it was always so cold,
So cold were the walks down fox run
So cold and blue were my speeding hands
So black and blue everyone around me
Lift my mood, dear Carlo Rossi
Dancing dancing dancing
Always
On
Something
You fuckin’ half-dead junkies…

Too many memories
And not enough lines in a poem
To describe what it took
To get an Associates
In America’s best small town
Whose winters began before they ended
And whose hipsters were too fine
To go unnoticed
In the web of incestuous Rockers
There was never a fine line
We were all connected in more ways than the one
Night stands
The NBome trips
And the life long friendships.
Writers workshop is where it all may have began,
Polished pieces of prose
by High school dropouts
And the most inquisitively gifted kids I could ever meet.
Rockers will always get Rockers,
You see.
And as cold as it was,
That New England winter
Will always be
A warm part of me.

Hemp Heals Festival, August 2014, Philly

Hemp heals

Baby feel

The humid soft breezes

Of Philly

I swear I heard that liberty bell

Swing in unison

With the crowd surfers,

The Bowls, the stoners and wait a

Joint’s in the air

Cause we don’t really care

And you know we need it too,

Cause we needed to

Take a bite of hemp heaven

Wish this feelin’

Was 24/7

Out in the open

No fears or nothin’

Steven Marley is groovin’

And maybe we’re all a little groovy too.

But all we strive to do

Is Coexist.

So play me some more reggae ton

Who told you I was done

Giving out my peace and love?

You’ve gotten real low my love…
_
PICK YOURSELF THE FUCK UP
_
You stand on your two feet, head high, like a Queen
_
Your crown is only at an arm’s reach
Yet you’d rather stumble into lies and sleep
Than let passion drive you home
To
Me

What’s it like? (Part II)

It’s like cognitive dissonance.

Hard to manage a blind mind

Caught up, I sigh

Rolled wrap crumble

Words of our slumber

Wait for the last number

To blow your cover

Baby fooool

Before anyone ever

Asks for your true colors

Set me free

Baby boooo

Dying daily

Trips are tasty

Oh dear, Boss Lady

Mary Jane’s lazy

But she’s gon dip low

Make you clap your hands

And sway slow

Feel that James river flow

Fuck the sky

And skip the intro

Spare me any mediocrity

None of that in Rich City

But baby, watch your Achilles,

Before you wreck yourself silly.

A Screaming Declaration

She’s the girl who doesn’t know what she’s worth~
Mom’s love was tough
Growing up
Not enough
Seeds in Destiny’s palm
The dirt was often rough
And unfamiliar
Maybe it rained more than it shined at times
But she’s still got less thorns
Than flowers on the outside
A reflection
Of her nonexistent father,
She is still too beautiful
To not recognize
The height and definition
Touched but not harmed by
The night and apparitions
But the days do still come with tempests
And all I wish is that one day
She calls herself her own
Been around the world
Don’t need a soul to understand
Your own skin is the only land
You need to own
She reaps what she sows
She drinks and she dozed
A screaming declaration
Because how else is the world supposed to know what
You’re worth if you don’t state it!

Every woman has her own story
Of being mistreated
Underestimated
Under loved
Culture knocked down the pedestal
From right under her feet
And somehow missed the doors to Heaven clearly marked and lighted
From her mother’s womb
It is not able to accept beauty
In everyone’s body
What an unlucky hit and an ignorant miss dear world
So don’t blame her for being the girl who doesn’t know what she’s worth
Because she still finds a way
To be kind
To get by
And to believe
In humanity.

And I tried to show her over and over again

how beautiful her curves were

how her body was made to be appreciated

but it wouldn’t make a difference what I saw

because society had already put a bad filter on her mirror

critical of every crevice 

while I saw the brightest lights

in her.

I’ll think of you
Every time I smoke a cigarette down to it’s filter
Every time I
Use my phone till it dies
And wake up whenever I wake up
And check the time
I have a cloud over my head
And I just want you to squeeze me tight
And drink the night
Like we do.

God put me in your plans for a reason
And one day we will meet
When time has seasoned
In memory you will remain
Till our stars align us
To let me spend forever
Making you smile cause
I’ll never give myself to anyone else
The way I’ve fallen into your arms
And I’ll wake up each morning
Only thinking
The same sun fell on to your eyelids
You must not be too far from my lids
Invested in my veins
I can always reach you
Deeper than my dermis
I can’t escape you
Destiny’s been written
God is witness
You are in it
—My soul blindly believes it.

Jisne aashiqi nahi ki
Usne kahan zindagi dekhi?
Kisi ke paaron se
Jannat nahi dikhi
Toh batao,
Tumne kahan zindagi dekhi…

~Sazaa // Punishment

Maine toh sirf mohabbat ki
Yeh meri sabse bari gunnah thi.
Ki teri azaadi mein hi,
Kehd ho gayi.

I only did love
But this was my biggest sin.
That within your freedom,
I became imprisoned.

Maine toh sirf mohabbat ki
Yeh meri sabse bari gunnah thi.
Ki ek jeene ki wajah doondtehi,
Maine apne aag ko kho di.

I only did love
But this was my biggest sin.
That in my search for a reason to live,
I have lost my own fire.

Maine toh sirf mohabbat ki
Yeh meri sabse bari gunnah thi.
Ki ek sipahi se,
Main kaidi ban gayi.

I only did love
But this was my biggest sin.
That from a soldier,
A prisoner I became.