You toss me strikes of lightning

and yet you can’t even handle my wave,

I chuckle.

So who’s sensitive now?

Your avoidance of emotion isn’t foolin’ a soul.

"It’s like drowning but you just won’t fucking die."
Urban Dictionary definition of unrequited love   (via intensional)

And I tried to show her over and over again

how beautiful her curves were

how her body was made to be appreciated

but it wouldn’t make a difference what I saw

because society had already put a bad filter on her mirror

critical of every crevice 

while I saw the brightest lights

in her.

ITS TIME TO LET GO

The difference between me and him

We both can’t be with you because your family would never accept a black man and would never accept a woman

but the difference is that he had you— he fucked up and he still had you — you had real feelings for him and you gave him a chance

^^Two things I could never have…not even for an instant. Not one spec, not now, not ever. 

He can cry me rivers because he lost you

but even the moments he had with you, I will never get. 

You burn all my flames of hope. You spill acid on the surface of my heart’s desires— breaking down each part of you locked inside of me…

I’ll think of you
Every time I smoke a cigarette down to it’s filter
Every time I
Use my phone till it dies
And wake up whenever I wake up
And check the time
I have a cloud over my head
And I just want you to squeeze me tight
And drink the night
Like we do.

God put me in your plans for a reason
And one day we will meet
When time has seasoned
In memory you will remain
Till our stars align us
To let me spend forever
Making you smile cause
I’ll never give myself to anyone else
The way I’ve fallen into your arms
And I’ll wake up each morning
Only thinking
The same sun fell on to your eyelids
You must not be too far from my lids
Invested in my veins
I can always reach you
Deeper than my dermis
I can’t escape you
Destiny’s been written
God is witness
You are in it
—My soul blindly believes it.

I just have to remember

There is so much to see in this world without you. There is so much to enjoy and appreciate in the world, without you. I just have to remember that the sun doesn’t only shine on your skin…I can witness the rays on my own as well.

I can live without you. 

I just have to remember how

I’m always torn between never wanting to fall in love again —and having all of this love I just can’t wait to give to someone who deserves me and who will truly love me back…

Is it my love that is destroying this friendship or were we always set for doom? Do you even care at all anymore? I don’t think you do…

Jisne aashiqi nahi ki
Usne kahan zindagi dekhi?
Kisi ke paaron se
Jannat nahi dikhi
Toh batao,
Tumne kahan zindagi dekhi…

But I asked for your storm. I took you on, and you took me in.

I just liked the way you talked to me — the way you talked for hours about your past, about yourself; you let it all slip out without even realizing it and I loved just sitting and listening to you. You trusted me with yourself. I loved to be able to really hear you, I felt like someone needed to. And I did. I listened and I heard you

I took you in day by day, night by night, I soaked in your voice, your habits, your fears and your desires. I left in the morning but I always came back soon. I felt like I was always leaving, you never left me and I wondered what it would have been like for me if you were always the one to leave. 

Sometimes I still hear you, but sometimes I feel like you’ve left and I wish I could help you find your way back. I miss you. I want you back now, always, because come September— I’ll be gone.

I keep imagining if it were the other way around and you were leaving in September…if I had to wake up and sit every day in that same apartment, I would break into tears from wishing you were here. The memories, everything, it would feel so empty and lonely. So I am sorry for leaving you. 

But regardless of that, I don’t get to wake up next to you every day for the rest of my life, I don’t get to grow old with you, or love you the way I wish I could. I get the next month or so until next year… I get phone calls, texts, snapchats, and facetimes… I get nostalgia and pain and I get to love you this way in this weird friendship relationship we have built on bong rips and spilled lips… I get to write for you hoping one day you’ll understand how much I really love you and you’ll forgive me for making this so difficult and complicated because really all I meant was to be the one to make you happy. It has been roughly 6 months (and a rough 6 months at that) since I realized what you meant to me. After 6 months of trying I’m tired of wanting to change how I feel. It has been hard loving you unrequited but I do not know how I could ever stop… 

But I asked for your storm. I took you on, and you took me in.

~Sazaa // Punishment

Maine toh sirf mohabbat ki
Yeh meri sabse bari gunnah thi.
Ki teri azaadi mein hi,
Kehd ho gayi.

I only did love
But this was my biggest sin.
That within your freedom,
I became imprisoned.

Maine toh sirf mohabbat ki
Yeh meri sabse bari gunnah thi.
Ki ek jeene ki wajah doondtehi,
Maine apne aag ko kho di.

I only did love
But this was my biggest sin.
That in my search for a reason to live,
I have lost my own fire.

Maine toh sirf mohabbat ki
Yeh meri sabse bari gunnah thi.
Ki ek sipahi se,
Main kaidi ban gayi.

I only did love
But this was my biggest sin.
That from a soldier,
A prisoner I became.

I came with love disguised as friendship

I came with love disguised as friendship.
I walk into a storm
And hold my umbrella
Up to the sky
Asking for forgiveness
For peace
—Calm me
Please.

I’m so sorry
I came with love
Disguised as friendship
And got stuck in a storm
Always in between
I’m tired of being between
And everything always being
Up to you.

I never thought I would be so sorry
For loving.
But I always knew I would fall
For you.

Love has given me the worst pain I have ever felt.
Love is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. And she was the best.

Your love is suffocating // Your love sets me free

(I’m on another see-saw)